Tuesday, October 30, 2007
I'm missing my Sri Amanian days.. Yes, I went to an ALL girls high school.. And it totally rocked! Spent 5 years of my life with these people:) And I especially miss the maroon monsters!
It's been 3 years since all of us left school.. Yet everytime when we meet up again and, we can actually still remember every single trivial thing that happened back then! Some bonds can never be broken.. SRI AMANIANS FOR LIFE! *smiles*
hugs&kisses
Y1:56 PM
Monday, October 29, 2007
Finally it's all over. I'm done for this year. This marks the start of my 2 month well-deserved HOLIDAY. I'm supposed to be feeling extremely elated, happy and jumping for joy because of this. But then... Sometimes you just go through the worst exam ever.. My jury exam today went far from well. From unclear running passages, poor projection of sound, wrong notes and to everything that could possibly go wrong. Okay, maybe I might be exaggerating a little bit here but then I was very disappointed with my performance. Well, my page turner totally disagreed with me though.. He sat through my whole performance and said the opposite. BUT I know when I've played well and when I just screwed up the whole performance.
I only have myself to blame for this. I hate this feeling...... Very frustrating. It's been almost 12 hours since the exam yet I'm still thinking about it. I will dread the day when the results and comments are released.
Okay I'm gonna drop that subject for now before I go mad thinking about it..
On another note, CME assessment went well. We did a vocal duet with piano accompaniment from the 'Don Giovanni' opera. Thanks to both of you, this semester's CME was very enjoyable:)
pianist. soprano. tenor. [my closest friends in uni]Found a random photo of our trip to Johor for the competition a few months back.. Such a crazy trip filled with so many memories. We ran in the rain just to eat KFC! Haha..
[some cheap hotel room which didn't turn out so bad after all..]
I'll be starting on my marathon to watch Grey's Anatomy soon! Been waiting so long to do this.. But very emo series.. Hehe..
p/s: thank you for believing in me when i didn't..
hugs&kisses
Y9:59 PM
Friday, October 26, 2007
So tired. I've been so busy till I have absolutely no time at all to spare. Stress in really an understatement at this point. But its all been good. God has been very faithful even when I was faithless. I feel as if I've gone through some time warp. Too many things happening at one time. Only two more exams left next Monday. Then, FREEDOM! After that, I really need to go on a longgggg holiday. I expected this semester to be crazy, but NOT this crazy. I'm in dire need of a break. So that means after everything is over, I will be bugging all my dearest friends like mad.... Hehe.. *winks* Will start updating properly again when I'm done with the next few days of torture.And I'm out to prove a point as well. I will not lose this time! Hmmmppphh.p/s: i am NOT defensive! *blek*
hugs&kisses
Y12:28 AM
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Today Pastor John said something I will never forget for the rest of my life.
The quote was, "You are the sum total of your memories."
The memories includes the ones you don't even remember. For a minute there when he said that, I thought back into my past. Certain flashbacks and memories of the past years came back like an old movie playing again. Both good and bad ones.. Then, I realised how much I've journeyed through this 20 years of my life.
This got me looking back now into my past journal entries of previous years. I was both laughing and confused at the same time as I read some of them again. Some memories I couldn't remember at all, but some seem to be replaying in my mind as I read. Of course there were the ones which I didn't ever want to remember again.. It's funny how eventhough it's been such a long period of time, certain feelings still remain when the memories return.
So, what I am today is an accumulation of memories during my 20 years of life.
What are your memories?
hugs&kisses
Y9:39 PM
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
This is the time when I stop to take a breath. *gasps for air* Being suffocated with work does this to someone. Combine with the fact that I missed one whole week of classes! Work WORK WORK!Finals are in less than 3 weeks. My jury! And I still haven't learnt all my pieces yet. I feel so on the edge right now. The stress is indescribable. *SOBSSSS*I'm losing my sanity. Very soon indeed. This is my breaking point. Gonna crack very soon.. God help me!
hugs&kisses
Y10:27 PM
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
The reason behind it all. Why do we do the certain things we do? Why do we act in certain ways or manners? There's always a reason. In every action we take, there's always a reason. There has to be a reason. Or it would all just be meaningless.. Pure meaningless actions. In my music history studies, we learn that every composer had their own reasons behind every composition. Every note and musical phrase, right down to the most minute detail of expression and instruments of choice, there was a reason to it. It was always to depict something, convey a message, tell a story or even describe a feeling or person. No composition was written without a purpose or reason. During one of my past coaching sessions, my lecturer told me that I had to find my own reasons how I interpret and perform my pieces. It's not just about following all the tempo and dynamic markings written out on the score by the composer, but I had to find my own reason to it. I had to find a reason why I had to play in a certain way or differently from other pieces.. If I did not, then there would be nothing to the piece. It would not have a part of me in there and it would be a meaningless performance. My body would be there, but not my heart.It's easy to do things and disconnect yourself from it at the same time. Usually, we do it when we're doing something we don't want to do or when we're forced to do it. Sometimes when we lose sight of the reason why we're doing certain things in our lives, we also lose our focus and get lost along the way... Life has a reason. Life has a purpose. It is these reasons and purposes that keeps us driven to go on... Every action you take, has a reason... What is your reason?
hugs&kisses
Y8:35 PM
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Have you ever felt this way before?
Felt liked the world is just spinning around you with you standing still inside?
Felt liked you've lost your way along the path, finding yourself lost in a maze?
Felt liked you're going out of your mind because everything is just too surreal?
Felt liked you may just break down and cry for no reason at all?
Felt liked screaming your lungs out at a top of a mountain?
Felt liked leaving it all behind and starting afresh again?
Felt liked just hugging everyone around you?
Felt liked you've found your everlasting joy?
Felt liked you just fell in love all over again?
Felt liked you've been given a second chance to live?
Felt liked living in denial for the rest of your life?
Felt liked everything is meaningless?
Felt liked doubting everything you hear because you're just not sure?
Felt liked you just don't know what to do anymore?
I feel like that now...
hugs&kisses
Y11:05 PM
Saturday, October 06, 2007
I'm backkkkkkkkkkk! Hehe.. What a horrendous week. Well as everyone already knows, I've been really sick again. Not the stomach this time, but my THROAT. From a viral infection to tonsillitis. I had to skip one whole week of classes which is not good at all. There goes my mid-terms and recital. Urgghh. The worse part was the non-stop fever. For four consecutive days I was tormented with that. Until one of my friends asked me, "Are you sure it's not dengue?" Thank God it wasn't. All I did was sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep while wearing more than 3 layers of clothes hiding under my comforter all the time. Not to mention the discomforts while sleeping and always having to take pills all the time. Felt like some drug junkie, constantly popping pills in to keep the fever and pain away.
But God is ever so faithful. If it wasn't for His healing grace, I seriously wouldn't have gotten better so fast. It was amazing. Well, He indeed is my Healer.
Also, I would like to thank everyone that was praying for me. Your prayers did miracles! Hehe.. Thank you Ps. John, Jes, youth leaders etc... Thank you for all the smses and calls:)
Well, this is a special big thank you to 3 extremely special people. Haha.. Okay, here it goes. Thank you for putting up with the not-so-nice me and all. I know I've been feeling super moody/emo/sucky and all during this week and you guys have just been awesome for putting up with me. Hehe.. Sorry for all the out-bursts, bitchy-ness, whining and mood swings.. *winks* And yea, thank you especially for going all out of your way just to cheer me up and make me smile again:) Really really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart! I love you people loadsss!
I'm too lazy to put up a picture of the last person. Well, it's CYBERPUNK!
Of course the BIGGEST THANK YOU goes to my mummy and daddy for looking after me and waiting on me hand and foot:)
hugs&kisses
Y10:52 PM
